As we open a pack of starbursts...
Me: I want a red one. Is that one (that you're handing me) red?
Ed: yeahh... It always goes Red, pink, yellow, orange..
Me: uhh what happens when you open the other end?
Ed: omg... Yeah!! Huh!!! Wow. Never thought of it that way!
wow. i’m jealous.
WHAT THE F*CK →
jesus i hate the police (say it: PO-LEASE)
My sister can SING: Maps Cover →
I found the perfect job.
Nemesis required. 6-month project with possibilty to extend Date: 2008-05-07, 2:49PM PDT I’ve been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I’m 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But somethings missing. I feel like I’m old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too...
free coffin (Dixie Highway) Date: 2008-05-08, 2:05PM EDT slightly used but good condition. must be willing to pick up. handsome varnish finish. will take 3 to 4 people to move. bought at garage sale and never put to use. airtight. had been using for produce storage but just taking up space now. will go to first person who can pick it up. Location: Dixie Highway it’s NOT ok to...
not so funny funnies.
josh from the frat house on 15th - w4m Date: 2008-06-19, 11:24AM EDT I’m pregnant. Location: campus it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests PostingID: 725246623
only on the internet. (craigslist)
HENCHMEN NEEDED Date: 2008-08-05, 2:34PM BST 20-30 henchmen needed for moderately-sized supervillain organisation with large expansion potential (fortresses built into geological structures, corruption of government officials, possible genesis of ‘nemesis’ vigilante). Electrical theme. Applicants must be willing to learn new skills, including but not limited to operation of...
Public Service Announcement From Mallory
Readers (all like, three of you :-P) Liz has been missing from YHTW for the past couple of days. I apologize for the mundane nature of the recent posts. But I have been trying to maintain the creative genius of this blog on my own, and although I am extremely gifted, its not an easy feat. To those forces out there that may be keeping her from her commitment to this blog (family, friends, alcohol,...
God Wins in Nebraska Court
Morning Edition, October 16, 2008 · Nebraska state Sen. Ernie Chambers sought an injunction against God last year for widespread death and destruction. Judge Marlon Polk threw out the suit, saying there’s no way to properly notify the defendant. You can’t serve papers on a suspect with no address. Chambers says he may appeal. He says God is aware of the charges because he is...
10 People With Unbelievable Medical Conditions
Get Dr. House in here. Stat. 1. The Woman Who has 200 Orgasms every day 2. The Man Who Can’t Get Fat 3. The Man Who Doesn’t Feel Cold 4. The Boy Who Couldn’t Sleep: stayed awake 24 hours a day for years 5. The Girl Who is Allergic to Water 6. The Woman Who Can’t Forget 7. The Girl Who Eats Only Tic Tacs 8. The Musician Who Can’t Stop Hiccupping 9. The Girl That Collapses Every Time She Laughs...
A Conversation at a Lakers Game
Mallory: Man, I would let Kobe Bryant rape me.
Mallory: You wouldn't let Kobe rape you?
Shana: Absolutely not! No way.
Ryan: I like how its not "sex", its "rape".
Mallory: Thats all Kobe does.
When the winds are this intense, Waste Management should cancel trash day. The...– a piece of my mind, blowing in the wind. <3, L .
Awkward Word of the Day
“yacht” It is just an uncomfortable word to spell. It has such unnatural lettering. I feel out of place when I write it/type it/spell it. yuck. I’m unsettled now. No more yacht. Just “big fancy boat”. I don’t care if it takes more time to say. -L
Alright so you have to choose. or at least put in some input (hmm mildly...– Mallory Waters, Queen of Redundancy. The best thing, I realize my redundancy and merely comment on it, I don’t change it. Anyways, I’m showering now because if I don’t shower now, I”ll fall asleep. So I’m showering now. (Haha, Liz.)
You must watch this. Its ridiculous.
You Fell Asleep Watching A DVD →
If Celibacy is the Key to a Long Life, I'd Rather... →
105 year old woman was ‘never interested in sex.’ What the hell?
Often times, especially when it is late at night, I’ll drive noticeably...– -L (the random things that I do)